The Perfect Ratio

Last Sunday, as I was sitting in church, the pastor was speaking on a topic that raised those conviction feelings in my heart. You know the kind, the kind that seem to hit smack dab in the middle of your heart and make you feel the pastor is talking just to you). The verse he was sharing with us was Ephesians 4:29. 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” 

My pastor then went on to talk about the “Perfect Ratio” of Praise to Criticism. I had never heard of such a thing, so naturally I went home and looked up some more information.

In fact, a lot of research has been done on this topic.

New research finds that the single most important factor when determining a company’s effectiveness was the ratio of positive comments to negative comments that the participants made to one another.  The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive comments for every negative one). The medium-performance teams averaged 1.9 (almost twice as many positive comments than negative ones.) But the average for the low-performing teams, at 0.36 to 1, was almost three negative comments for every positive one.

Another study examined wedded couples’ likelihood of getting a divorce or remaining married.  Once again, the single biggest determinant is the ratio of positive to negative comments the partners make to one another. And the optimal ratio is amazingly similar — five positive comments for every negative one. (For those who ended up divorced, the ratio was 0.77 to 1 — around three positive comments for every four negative ones.)

Naturally, I begun to think about this ratio and how it applies to us as educators. Notice that the negative comments are an integral part of the ratio. A little negative feedback can go a long way with our students. I love this post from Putting Words in Your Mouth on the importance of negative comments (punishment) during our sessions. Mia states:

“I mean, shouldn’t we be honest with our students?  How will they know they are doing something incorrectly if we don’t tell them?  If they were already capable of self- monitoring their speech, they wouldn’t be therapy. If we don’t tell them what they are doing wrong, how will they know what to change?” 

Even in Ephesians 4:29, notice that it states “but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Negative feedback is also an essential part to benefitting our students.

I think we all begin our glorious careers in the schools probably leaning more toward this perfect ratio, even-may I dare say, relying a little too heavy on positive reinforcement and not enough negative. In grad school, we hear all the studies on how positive reinforcement shapes behavior and we, excited little hatchlings making our way into the big world, can’t wait to speak encouraging words that uplift our students and change them into the perfect communicators we know they can be.

And then come the screeching breaks of reality. We have students that spit on us, hit us, refuse to participate or just plain dislike us. And there we are. We become tired, frustrated and worn down. I’ve witnessed SLPs in their second year already feel defeated.

This will be my sixth year teaching and I’ll be the first to honestly confess I don’t always utilize the “perfect ratio” in my sessions. As I sat there and let that verse really penetrate my heart, two students in particular came to mind. Both are diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, along with several other diagnoses. Every week I spend (quite a bit of) time planning therapy activities. I’ve purchased materials specifically with these two students in mind and have spent countless hours cutting and laminating in an attempt to engage them in a fun way. And… week after week, it continues to be a struggle. Over the weeks it’s came to the point where I actually dread these two therapy sessions. (Completely being honest with you here). Thinking back on their sessions, I’m pretty sure (actually positively sure), I don’t give 6 positive comments to 1 negative comment in these sessions.

So…as much as I’m writing this post to you, I’m also writing it to me. As I’ve been meditating on Ephesians 4: 29, I’ve come up with a list of ideas to try to come as close as possible to that “perfect ratio” in my sessions:

• Always greet every student. A simple, cheerful “Good morning, ___!” can go a long way. Chances are, if you’re having difficulty with a particular student, so is his/her teacher. We need to be that breath of fresh air when they enter our room and give them a completely blank slate, with no mistakes on it yet.
• Take notice of your students and comment on it. I find little girls especially light up when I tell them “I really like your dress. Is it new?” or “Did your mommy do your hair today? It’s so pretty.” With boys, I always try to make a point of noticing and commenting when they get a new haircut or perhaps new tennis shoes. We want people to notice us and it is the same for our students.
• Make sure you are actually teaching your students skills, not just drilling for the sake of getting data trials in. Usually most of my negative feedback comes when a student doesn’t understand a skill. Instead of continuing in your session, take time to stop and assess understanding, and then reteach the skill if necessary.
• Try to leave stress that happened at home, at home. I still remember being afraid of my fourth grade teacher. At times, she would come into school ready to start the day with a smile and other times there was a definite dark cloud surrounding her and she would snap at the smallest things. As her students, we never knew which teacher we were going to get for the day and that lack of consistency bred fear of asking her questions or approaching her. Our students truly have no control over what happens before we come to school, so don’t take it out on them.  As hard as it is somedays, try to come to school every morning with a fresh and positive attitude.
• Make that negative feedback count. Like Mia said, our kids need to be shaped and guided by what they are doing correctly and incorrectly. Make sure to pack a punch by giving quality negative feedback, instead of a large quantity. We need to ensure our students heard our negative feedback “No that’s wasn’t correct” and also that they understand what we want them to change “Instead, try it this way.”
• Finally, record yourself during therapy. Don’t panic-it’s for your eyes and ears only! I challenged myself in this way last year and it completely opened my eyes to not only what I said during therapy but also how I looked. I learned I was an expert in those disappointing eye stares when my students weren’t doing what they were supposed to be doing. Count up your ratio. Is it close the 5:1 model?

Okay, well I hope that no matter if you’re in year 2 or year 30 of this amazing career, you’ve gained some fresh inspiration this week! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Have you heard of the perfect ratio before?